All in the name of love….
Normally I go thru the process of linking y’all up to the artist I talk about but if you don’t know “Allure” by Jay-Z from The Black Album then you are losing right now. This song has been my song since I heard it in my dorm room in 2003 when I was on the edge (the first time I was on the edge) of dying young leaving a good looking corpse.
See you gotta understand, brotha like me left Dayton, Ohio in search of myself and in search of a reason to be about everything I ever dreamed of. I had demons deep inside that were raised when confronted (The Black Album, since some of y’all are lost right now) and those demons came from Dayton and the things I did while I was there. I was the smart kid, the kid that nobody figured would ever get into any trouble and wouldn’t even be around it. But, I was all in it. Never had my own work, but I rolled with cats that did so I’ve done my fair share of “lookout boy” activities (use your imagination or go watch a movie to get an idea) and I got a rush from the life and all that was in it. I never felt more alive riding shotgun in Matt’s old school Monte Carlo and he put that heat in my lap and told me to hold it and if he took too long or if anyone came up to the car to be ready. Thank God I never had to use it but at that point in life I woulda let that sonofabitch hiccup if need be because I didn’t care about the future because I couldn’t see that far ahead of me. All the weed I was burning and drinks I was sippin at the age of 16/17 had clouded my future.
The allure was there whenever I left the house in Dayton. I know my mom used to worry bout me, and with reason, because I was hanging out with people who were as reckless as you could be and bad company corrupts good morals. I’ve seen and done a few things that probably contribute to my insomnia and paranoia. In Classic Albums: Reasonable Doubt I think Hov describes it as “hustler’s paranoia” along the lines of knowing what people will do at any moment, especially if they think you slippin. Logic says, “Who is really gonna try to get at you behind something that happened awhile back?” but reality has shown me otherwise…
Me and my boy Da’marr at the BP on Salem & Free Pike in the 1990somethin Honda Accord he drove chillin gettin ready to do what, I don’t remember (prolly get in trouble). He pumpin gas at about $1.80 a gallon (cheap!!! lol) and I’m handling my duties as DJ, changing CDs and whatnot…I look down for half a second, I hear a noise that sounds like somebody getting hit, look up don’t see Da’marr but I see some cat fleeing the scene…homeboy snuck my man while he was pumping gas in front of a whole gang of folks at the BP and I missed it. Had no clue til he came back to the car and told me. So we see the car dude gets into, and come to find out we know these dudes from the club (the hotbed of all evil and anger in teenage life and where I’ve participated in many a throwdown) and they speed off. We give pursuit until we lose em…but we go down an alley near the BP to look for them and CLAP CLAP CLAP is the sound and I see a few flashes off to the side and we get outta there. Da’marr ends up with an almost broken jaw; I have guilt for not jump-whoopin the other cat; we call Matt, now he ready to kill somebody and would have but we calmed him down; and for what? I guess Da’marr pulled one of the dudes girls that previous Saturday at the club. Logic says, we may not have gotten shot at…paranoia says those bullets were for us and them cats got bad aim.
The allure. I’ll never forget Da’marr’s dad, my other Pops, giving me, Da’marr, Matt, and Vic a speech similar to the one in Menace II Society given by Caine’s grandfather (the one about living and dying and whether you care or not) before we went out the following Saturday. Pops Hopkins grew up on the eastside of Columbus, Ohio and from what I’ve heard from him and Uncle Keith, it had some rough times. He knew all about what we were into and didn’t want to see us lost to it. The last time I went to Sirens in West Carrollton (lil funky suburb of Dayton) was with the aforementioned crew…and we were escorted out by security after some dude gave word of an attempt on Matt’s life when the club let out, and we knew it was serious because Matt was serious and had enemies that were serious (he was from Springfield, Ohio and I guess Dayton and Springfield got beef concerning hustlers from each place being in the other place).
The allure. I went to Butler University in Indianapolis and left Dayton behind. Me and Da’marr were still thick as thieves back then and we always kicked it when I came home, he even came to Butler once. March 21, 2004. I get a phone call on my girlfriend’s phone because I had prepaid with no minutes (see Ebony & Ivory “A Killer Feels”) and find out Matt is dead. Got shot while robbing a dopeboy’s house by the dopeboy’s mother. The guy that was his accomplice let Matt bleed to death in the driveway of the house.
Springfield, Ohio
From the Springfield News Sun of March 22, 2004:
Woman kills intruder
A Springfield woman shot and killed a 21-year-old man early Sunday, reportedly after the victim and a companion broke into her Chestnut Avenue home, police said.
Matthew J. Marino, 21, whose address was not immediately available, was pronounced dead at Mercy Medical Center at 3:45 a.m., Springfield police Lt. Michael Hill said. Officers found Marino lying on the driveway at 346 Chestnut Ave. with a gunshot wound in his abdomen.
…Springfield police received a call at 2:50 a.m. from Melany Yancey, 49, of the Chestnut Avenue address, Hill said. She told them that while she was home alone, two men wearing bandannas kicked in her front door and came upstairs.
Yancey told police she sealed herself in her bedroom, but the two men tried to break in. She took her .40-caliber handgun and fired a shot in the direction of the door, she said, and someone fired back.
Yancey reportedly said she heard the intruders move into the bedroom of one of her two adult sons, neither of whom were at home. She ran out of the room, attempting to escape, and fired two rounds at the intruders, she said. One of bullets hit Marino.
Yancey told police she ran to a neighbor’s house where she dialed 911.
Hill said police had not found the gun reportedly carried by the intruders, but officers did find a shell casing from a weapon other than Yancey’s handgun.
Police did not expect to charge Yancey with any crime, Hill said.
That’s what the newspaper said about it. My mama taped the newscast of it and I cried for the whole damn week. My allure ended right there. I’d lost a friend to it and lost part of me at the same time. Hell, I STILL think he’d be alive if I never left Ohio because I was the one trying to keep everyone on track all the time…I loved the game but it wasn’t the only game we could play but sometimes we didn’t think that. Matt must have not thought that and how could he? Surrounded by the underworld and it was calling him. He always said he thought it was cool that I was going to college and that he hoped I’d make something of it…I guess he kinda looked up to me, and when I’d look at him I could see he didn’t know how to leave The Allure. So from that day on, I promised myself I’d never go back to where I was and that I’d honor my friend and make something of what I left Dayton for. I think about him everyday because I wish I could talk to him and tell him I’m doing alright.
Sorry to be so long-winded but I’ve never said this much in this public of a forum about my life before Butler. Don’t become victim to The Allure of anything that isn’t positive…it might just kill you…RIP Matt, I love you and I’m gonna keep holding it down.
…dying young leaving a good looking corpse…
